Why Everyone's Voice Matters
When I was about ten years old, I read somewhere that a writer must "first have something to say." I probably misunderstood it because for all my advanced intelligence, I was just a little kid.
But I think that advice has gotten in my way way too many times, both as a writer and in life.
I'm always afraid of whether what I have to say is important enough to bother saying. God knows there's been enough times that I couldn't get anyone's attention, enough times when people ridiculed what I had to say, enough times when I was told I was being ridiculous or oversensitive or not considerate enough of someone else's feelings.
But today I'm writing this blog to say that my voice matters, and so does yours, and so does your children's.
I write the way I live my life. As introspective as I am, things unfold slowly for me, and I don't always know exactly what I'm sa ying or why until I'm halfway through saying it. I'm learning that that's okay, that the message doesn't have to be perfect on the first go-around, that it's more important to develop the habit of using my voice than to say something earth-shattering all the time.
Finding your voice seems to be a theme in my young adult literature lately. In Now or Never, my protagonist is a shy, quiet unassuming boy who accidentally gets caught up in a controversy when he stops keeping his feelings to himself and pursues another boy in his school -- one that other people don't exactly approve of on top of the mixed reaction he gets to being openly gay in a small town where such things are not talked about.
In my DAYS fanfiction, too (okay, technically not YA literature but I'm focusing on young adult characters who are neglected in the actual show), an entire storyline revolves around a young woman learning to separate her voice from that of her demanding mother, and another around a young man trying to decide between the non-traditional career he wants and the safer career path his mother wants for him.
In both fiction and life, I'm all about young people finding their voices, separating their voices from those of their parents, teachers and other adults who care about them, living their truth even when it's hard.
I believe everybody's voice matters just because it's their voice, and that everyone has improtant things to say. I also beliee that the feeling like you can't speak, like you can't express your truth, especially the truth of how you feel, literally kills, that it can make people suicidal and dependent on substances to numb the pain of their unexpressable truths.
And that's why I'm taking the risk, right now, of writing a blog that might not seem to say much of anything specific, just to say over and over again that your voice matters and so does mine and that everyone has something to say.
If you are a parent reading this blog, here's few things you can do to help your kids feel like their voice matters:
Listen carefully to what your kids say. Listening quietly and non-judgmentally, and/or reflecting what you hear, does wonders for a child, makes that child feel their words are being taken seriously.
Ask your child what they think about important issues. Whether you're talking about an issue in your family, a political issue, or what's going to happen next on your favorite TV show, ask your children for their opinions. Being asked for an opinion tells a child that what they have to say about things is important to you.
Respect it when your child doesn't want to speak up. This seems counter-intuitive, but part of respecting and encouraging your child's voice is encouraging their autonomy, deciding whether or not they want to talk. Some children are shy and/or introverted, and you don't want to make them feel like they HAVE to talk. Letting them talk in ways that are comfortable for them and/or allowing them to decline to speak can help them develop the confidence to speak when it really matters to them.
What do you think it means to find your voice or to help a child to find theirs? Share your thoughts, tips and suggestions below!
